My journey in this life had a rough start. I was unwanted, born two months premature, and spent my first lonely days and nights in an incubator instead of loving arms. My first christmas was in foster care and my name was legally changed three times before I turned one. I was given love and stability from my new family, but I struggled with my place in the world. The subconscious fear of abandonment made me painfully shy and highly sensitive, while stripping away my sense of identity and worth. I was bullied throughout my childhood. I was highly empathetic and took on other people’s pain on top of my own. I rebelled in my teenage years and turned to self harm as my refuge. I endured abusive and manipulative relationships and had a constant overwhelming feeling that I didn’t belong anywhere. I struggled with a potent loneliness even when I was with loved ones. I was longing for something, and I didn’t know how to find it.

Until I started to get to know myself. My whole self. An array of spiritual texts, self love books and traveling solo began to open me up to depths of me I had yet to explore. I got a taste of something deep within me, something that no one had been able to touch or destroy yet. I continued to struggle with powerful emotions and trauma patterns, but I began to figure out that everything I was searching for externally to fill what I thought was missing or fix what I thought was broken, was actually already waiting for me inside. But this was all new to me, and as I began to unveil the depths and wounded pieces within, I realized there were inner amends to make. I needed to make a real commitment to myself.

I turned to the world of healing modalities for support and community, and although I made strong connections, obtained many certifications, and discovered countless tools and techniques that I still use to this day, I began to feel like I didn’t belong in a whole new way. It still felt like the answers being taught were outside of me, like there was some level of attainment or certification that would deem me worthy enough. And everyone seemed to think their way was the one true way. I felt alienated and ignored in movement classes being in a bigger body. My sensitivities to energies made it difficult to connect in larger groups. I studied Reiki, sound healing, death midwifery, nutrition, many spiritual paths, and pushed myself beyond my limits in yoga teacher training which resulted in physical disability. I realized that I didn’t want to fit in a box or follow someone else’s path. Utilizing the array of teachings that resonated with my heart and tuning in to my inner wisdom, I began to uncover my own way.

As I allowed my unique-to-me path to unfold with my own inner language, I was able to traverse depths of me I didn’t even know were possible. I was getting to know and nurture all my pieces. Instead of trying to heal and change myself, I developed a radical acceptance for all of me, especially the parts of me I had thought needed to be healed or fixed. I realized the extent I had neglected myself, and with my deepening inner connection, I began to radically change how I navigated internal and external struggles and show up for myself and others. I had a refuge inside me that just needed to be uncovered, and I never had to lose myself ever again. I had embarked on a journey of authentic emerging. 

And now, even in the midst of healing, I feel whole. Even when I am alone, I feel deeply connected. And the more I love/understand/accept myself, the more I am able to love/understand/accept others.

And although I continue to traverse my own journey, I feel a powerful call to share what I’ve uncovered within me to help make it easier for others, like you, to deeply connect to your whole self. To tend to your wounds and shift patterns, to face your neglected pieces and make amends, to navigate the unpredictablilites of life without getting lost, and emerge into an authentic version of yourself you may have yet to realize is even possible, so you can show up as a force of love in this world. All without shame, the past, or the status quo holding you back.

I continue my studies in sacred movement, spirituality, healing, and inclusivity and will be forever learning. If you resonate with Surrender Within’s offerings, I will put effort into making them accessible to you. Please reach out to communicate any barriers, needs, or ways I can make you feel more welcome.